Thanks to Amazon.com I am half way through my Christmas shopping. The rest are just a bunch of gift cards, so I can knock those out at the grocery store. However, it never fails that every Christmas, instead of feeling excited about handing out all the presents I bought, I get resentful that I’m spending all this money on others instead of myself.

So, today while out with friends, I decided to forgo completing my list and bought something for myself instead. Call it impulsive, call it irrational, call it selfish. Whatever. I took all the money allocated for the rest of my people on my list and bought myself an iPod. A hot pink iPod!

Hey, I’ve got 11 days and one pay check til Christmas. I’ll be fine.

With everything going on with the economy, and everyone pinching their pennies, I was very afraid that I wouldn’t get as many presents and that Christmas would kind of suck this year.

Save all the dribble about Christmas not being about presents, but about togetherness and family and friends, and yappity yappity yap. I get all that but decided to avoid the potential disappointment by giving myself a gift that was sure to guarantee me happiness. Now, if Christmas turns out to be a total bust gift wise, I can turn to my iPod and smile. For I am my own Santa.

Also, my family has recieved an early Christmas present this year. Presenting my new nephew Kingston. Ain’t he cute?!

I happen to be perusing the internet and thought I’d check out what the “Hot” toys are this year. I haven’t had to buy toys for kids for a while, so I have no clue what the kids these days are into. As I was searching I came across some pretty lame stuff that I wouldn’t even give my worst enemy. Or maybe I would, just to annoy them or piss them off. So here they are:

#1. Wow Wow Wuzzy – teaching kids that outdated slang and no rhythm is cool!

#2. Playskool Kota My Triceratops Dinosaur – So what it can make noise, play music and roar. What’s the big deal? Unless it can walk around and crush leggo size cities, you ain’t impressin’ me much.

#3. Fuzz Luvz – WTF. What is the point of this thing. You give it luv and it has babies. What are we teaching our kids? That touch equals love?? Look mine is a blood sucking vampire and has attacked my little brother. Ain’t that cute?!

It’s official, Christmas is on the loose. Not long after the closing credits of the last horror film was watched, Christmas began to make its move. While we all slept cozy in our beds, its box-store minions began to unload their arsenal. Over night wreaths replaced pumpkins, candy canes replaced candy corn, and trees took center stage.

I awoke Sunday morning with a yearning for pancakes. Jay had a yearning for bacon. So, I got up, dressed, and headed to the store. I cruised the Isles in search of half priced candy, when out of the corner of my eye I saw him. I tried to turn away from his beady stare and his cotton beard. His velvet red jumper called to me, pulling me into he lore. I couldn’t help it. I turned and was face to face with Santa.

Santa? Halloween was two days ago. Why is Santa here? I looked around and there they were. Boxes upon boxes of tinsel and wreaths. Christmas was on the attack.

Christmas is evil in disguise. (That’s right, I said. I’m not scared.) It preys on us when we are weak and worn from the year past. It’s no coincidence that Christmas comes after a chaotic year, when its cold, and we’re vulnerable at the thought of spending so much time with our crazy families.

I used to feel sorry for Thanksgiving, being skipped over by merchants. Having it’s parade invaded by the ambassador of Christmas, Santa Clause. But I am now wise and see that Thanksgiving disguises itself as a genuine holiday but is really a tryptophanic roofie. While we stuff ourselves with food, Thanksgiving allows Christmas to have its way with us. It convinces us that getting up at 3am to go shopping for ungrateful children is completely sane and even rational. And when it’s all over and the sugar cookie high has worn off, Christmas leaves us quivering in fear of the credit bills ahead.

I wish that I could say that I have the answer to avoid the siren song of Christmas, but I don’t. My plan is to grin and bear it, then have a big stiff drink afterwards. Afterall, that’s what New years is for.