Have you ever read a book, or seen a documentary, about all the ways the food we eat can fuck up our bodies?

No, seriously, it’s more than a little scary to hear about the chemicals going into our food. You think something is good for you then you hear that  it’s laden with pesticides and toxins. It’s enough to drive you absolutely bonkers or to drink. But then you realize all the ways that alcohol can damage your body and then your back to bonkers.

That’s how I feel right now. Absolutely bonkers. I exercise and excercise but the numbers don’t go down. I reduce my calories but am then told that maybe I’m not eating enough. My body thinks I’m going through starvation so its holding onto every single fat cell with all its might. So I up my calorie intake. But still the numbers don’t budge. Then I think maybe I’m not drinking enough water and the water retention is why the pounds aren’t coming off, and also why my ankles and caves get so painful. So, I start drinking water like its going out of style. My ankles and caves feel better, thanks. We’ll see if it effects my weight loss.

I got some weight loss books the other day. I thought maybe if I educated myself on nutrition it’d help me make better choices. Egad, are there a lot of diet books out there. Every diet you can think of has a book. And a lot of these books spout off a bunch of statistics and simply tell you what your doing wrong.

I know what I was doing wrong. A trained monkey can see what I was doing wrong. And if it was as simple as just stopping it, well then I would’ve have been successful all the millions of other times I tried to lose weight. I did learn a lot from one of the books I purchased. The other I just want to use as a coaster. While I learnt something I also walked away more frustrated than before. And worried that I might be intaking too much sugar. Which then sent me on an anti-sugar mission. Which was a disaster because of all the places sugar is hiding.

Finally I decided that I just need to chill out. Find victories in other areas. Like how I can now jog for a minute and a half when before I could barely do 30 seconds. So, I’ll still follow weight watchers and still count the calories, but I’ll try to find the fun in it again. No more going bonkers.

Since I’ve decided not to go bonkers…I’m going to got the other route and have a drink. A drinky-pooh every now and then ain’t gonna hurt. Tonigh’ts beverage of choice? Cream soda with Di Saronno and apple liqueur. Experimental. Kind of tastes like a apple cobbler.